It can be so hard to pick something back off when it’s been left for a while but I clearly needed to disconnect from everything. Just finding that motivation and drive to reconnect can be very tough.
I like to try and write with authenticity and a bit of humour too as my life can be quite a laugh, but that laughter has been rather absent.
I’m now 17 days post op and I’m not going to fluff anything and say it’s been easy because it’s been fucking hard. Made extra harder with my husbands op just before mine.
My time in hospital was utter hell (only on the ward mind) so it didn’t sort of create the positive start to my recovery as I had in my head. I was raring to go and on the belief I was going home but because communication clearly is an apparent issue between people that didn’t happen, not to mention I couldn’t communicate to staff without a buzzer that they seemed to withhold. On the plus side they were dishing out oramorph like grapes thinking it would make u sleep and do nothing. This only works though if your made comfortable enough to get any sleep, then sleep deprivation, anaesthetic, morphine, sleeping tablets and the endless oramorph can send a person. It can all send a person to behave a tad out of character and lose the plot, so there I am the normal calm in the chaos, except I’m no longer the calm I’m an incarnation of the devil itself and I went home to sleep.
I’m a woman plunged straight into the menopause so I’m in a don’t anyone fuck with me headspace let me go and get comfortable and sleep, so I did just that and felt a whole lot better.
Now be warned you will hear ‘oh your in your menopause now’, ‘that’s it it’s all done’. NO ITS NOT ! Such a misconception out there, the symptoms do not just switch off like u can switch your phone off when people are pissing you off.
Things seem to be amplified a hot flush is like a bush fire, legs spasm like your trying to play football in your sleep even when you don’t even like football, all of a sudden your in tears sobbing over a teddy bear or raging because you have had to repeat a sentence. Other moments you are just so switched off staring into space, trying to blend with the sofa hoping no one will notice your existence.
Your physical body is very strange all of a sudden there’s this space where these organs were and everything is trying to find where they belong in there. It’s weird definitely not very comfortable just very peculiar.
Fatigue puts you on your arse when you do bits and by the evening you’re so so tired but do you think you can get comfortable to sleep, not a chance. Apparently propping some cushions under your belly to support your intestines that are moving home actually helps. Well I need supporting right now my intestines are taking the piss trying to steal the show.
All my grand ideas of how I was going to navigate this are absolutely paused at the minute as I’m too bloody tired to attempt them. So right now that’s what I’m doing I’m pausing and reconnecting, the pause enables me to reconnect to myself, my mind and my body and do whatever it needs in the present moment, just right here, right now. Pausing and reconnecting 🤍
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