padmaspath

I chose to have a day off from writing yesterday because I was so fully enjoying the moment. I went to a family bbq for my sister’s 25th wedding anniversary. I struggle with family events now where my daughter isn’t here but in Ireland. It reminds me how much I miss being able to have all my children in one place at the same time, it makes my heart hurt so much. The emotion can be so overwhelming and at times it’s easier to swerve and feel that.

I had such a fantastic time though, bare in mind I’m the eldest with 3 younger sisters, my youngest one Alice, is 39 and she’s got all the kids (aged between 2-22) on the floor in a circle and shouted at me to sit down too and join in duck duck goose. I’m looking at her with nothing registering in my mind saying I haven’t a clue what you are playing. My sister Linda, a few years younger at me says, ‘you must remember Joanna we played it at brownies and guides’, I’m still looking like my memory has been totally erased from me which I think it actually has if I’m honest, still I’m trying to drag something out from the depths of my brain to try and even have a vague recollection which didn’t happen. Emily, my sister aged in between the other 2 starts walking round the circle looking like she’s smacking everyone up the side of the head is going duck, duck, duck with every loving tap then gets to me and I don’t get a duck I get a goose. I’m looking at them all saying ‘ok what happens now’, at this point Emily is sprinting round the circle and everyone’s screaming at me saying you need to get up and chase her. I’m like your having a laugh I can’t run in these trousers I will go flying, they are still screaming so I get up and run by this point Emily, has now sat back down and I’m thinking jeez I can hardly breathe here I need to sit down. So then they explain I have to do the random selection process. Off I go round the circle and now I’m having fun because I’m not just doing duck, duck I’m adding a few fucks in between the ducks. To be fair they wouldn’t really expect any less from me I’m always an advocate for a good swear up, (selective ones though) I find it quite stress relieving. I was actually enjoying myself by this point.

I laughed so much and everyone laughed so much too. It took me back to some really special times. There’s a moral to this story when that menopause madness brain is feeling void of memory, by doing something you used to do because you are fearful of it causing you pain can actually reawaken the lost memory of how much fun it was and the positive feeling that goes with it. It showed me that even though I don’t have all of y children with me at these times the feelings of them are very much present still.

After the kids all got so loud and excited Alice tried to calm the gaggle by playing sleeping lions. Fortunately I was already off the floor getting ready to go as my 6 year old nephew was in charge of seeing who he could make laugh first. Straddling over everyone’s faces almost tea bagging them probably wasn’t his intention, however given they were all older than him none of them could hold it together for more than a few seconds.

Beautiful memories and a beautiful time spent with family