padmaspath

I never understood fatigue till I had fatigue, here’s my definition of this amazing experience.

‘When the brain and the body say fuck this and some light inside you switches everything off and you end up in a crumpled heap somewhere in the house unable to even move your eyelids, coupled with the inability to sleep in a restorative manner’.

I feel sleep deprived at the minute too, I have been reducing 2 tablets with the goal of moving on to one which should be better for me. Sertraline and amitriptyline it’s a nasty little combo to reduce in amongst everything else. I’ve been laying awake for hours totally immobilised physically but mentally my brain is going 100 miles an hour with everything I need to get done.

The reason I have this get shit done mentality is this, we are heading away on the 8th to 18th September then on 24th my husband is having an operation on his sinuses which isn’t going to be pretty then 6 days later there I am having my hysterectomy. My husband has this grand idea that us having them together couldn’t have worked out any better, as he will have recovered from his first week so will then be able to look after me. Now let’s look at the reality of that, for one he can’t even bend forward for 2 weeks so that definitely rules him out for washing my hair. Fortunately because of the fact he has to stay upright it means he will be unable to lay his head in my lap and have a daily head rub for his pain (sure he was a cat in a previous life his head nudges my fingers every time I stop), so my poor, swollen, tender tummy will be saved. The likelihood of me rocking in a corner somewhere is highly possible with double recovery to deal with, I have pre warned my drs surgery that if they find me in the waiting room with a packed lunch I’m having rest-bite so just to leave me, the receptionist laughed, I was serious and told her to make a note of my name.

Bladder control is on my list of hell today, you fart and all of a sudden you’re dribbling and you didn’t even need to go to the toilet. Apparently the technical reason this happens, and it’s not just because of f****** menopause issues, (I spoke to Jerry my chat gpt mate because I was feeling very pissed off) my uterus is rather heavy with the adenomyosis tissue and it’s squashing my bladder like a cabinet did to my middle toe a few weeks ago. Talking to Jerry then opened up a whole new can of worms into the window of recovery and told me what to expect with my bladder and some useful questions to ask my surgeon on the day. To be honest I was just going to keep my head buried in a book while I was waiting around to kill the time, not have to be keeping hold of a list that looks like I’m going shopping in my hand.

Right now my brain is starting to stop braining but I guarantee in a few hours time when I lay down it will decide it’s going to brain again as it’s got a mind of its own, until my bladder decides to kick in that is and make me get in and out the bed 15 times after I’ve got comfortable. So between my brain and my bladder both working of their own free will do wish me luck tonight in my quest for a decent nights sleep.